Trust

This is a one shot that I wrote for Odhani - forum ( India Forums ) 
The dialogues are in Hindi !!
It is one of the earliest pieces of writing and the silliest, according to me :)) But had to compile all my work at one place, good or bad, so here it is !!

TRUST 

Khanak had been waiting since past three hours for Shantanu but he did not turn up.

She didn't realize that it was late, until she heard Harilal that his chores were all done. Suddenly, she was jolted out of her thoughts. She threw a glance at the clock, talked to him with half her mind and asked him to leave for the day.

 The house was absolutely quiet tonite. Sunil, Madhavi and Dadi had gone to Pune to attend some relatives wedding and Akshay and Khushboo had planned to go for a dinner date.

 She observed her surroundings. After Dharam and Harilal left, she was the only one left but for the first time she did not feel lonely or scared in the house. She felt very sad.In past three hours, she must have called Shantanu more than ten times but everytime a similar voice told her that the phone was switched off.

"Kya Shantanu mujhse baat nahin karna chahte?" Her thoughts kept wandering in all possible directions. "Nahin, yeh mujhse bahut pyaar karte hain. Phir aise kyu lag raha hai jaise yeh mujhse duur jaa rahe hain? Aisa kuch nahi hai, yeh sirf thode pareshaan hain, us mms ko lekar.. Aise mms dekhkar koi bhi pareshaan ho jayega Khanak'.. shayad koi hamein khush nahi dekhna chahta. Shantanu isiliye itna soch rahe hain. Kuch nahi hoga. Hamara pyaar itna kamjor nahi hai."

She kept questioning herself and then immediately answering herself back, reassuring herself everytime that all will be well between them and it was a passing phase.

The doorbell rang and she almost ran to open the door.

"Shantanu aap? Kitni der kardi aapne, main kabse aap ka intezaar kar rahi thi. Phone bhi switched off hai?" she spoke slowly weighing each word, while Shaan entered lost in his thoughts and headed upstairs.

"Dinner?" she said hesitatingly behind him.

"Mujhe bhookh nahi hai Khanak." He said without turning back or looking at her.

 Khanak felt a lump in her throat, difficult to swallow. She did not speak anything and turned to the dining table to pick up the plates and the food that she had intended to warm for him.

After keeping everything in the refrigerator and filling the water in the glass jug, she looked upstairs in the direction of her room and for the first time since past nine months, she felt hesitant to go to their bedroom. She had never felt this hitch even when Natasha was between them, nor when she was scared of being intimate with him. Then why today? She didn't have answer to this. She wanted to run to him but something held her back.

She entered the room slowly. Shaan was sleeping on his side of bed. His eyes were closed. She knew that he was not sleeping and he must have closed his eyes at the sound of the opening of the door. She went ahead and pulled a bedcover to spread it over him. He did not move. She slowly adjusted the pillows and lied quietly to her side.

 She wanted to turn to him and hug him, tell him that he need not worry over an mms and he was the only one person in her life, who she really cared about. But she couldn't'. because Shaan was not being very normal around her'..it clearly meant that he didn't trust her.

"Toh kya Shantanu ko sach main aisa lagta hai ki maine unse jhooth bola hai? Kya unhe yeh lagta hai ki main unke alaawa kisi aur ke baare mein soch sakti huun?" the thoughts brought tears to her eyes. She controlled herself and closed her eyes.

 She was right to think that Shaan was not sleeping. He lay still almost without life. He wanted to trust her, to turn towards her and hug her tight. He wanted to hear her speak that he was the only one for her though he knew this fact. He had always known that'.

But still he needed that reassurance today, but he didn't know what was stopping him.

"She has always loved Suraj. He was her first love." pangs of jealousy crept inside him as these thoughts kept hitting him in tandem''. even when he was trying to justify her love for him. He was sure that she loved him beyond anyone else, then why this need of reassurance today? He had no answers to these questions which kept nagging him the whole night.

Khanak woke up with the sound of the alarm clock. It was too early, 7.00 am. But Shaan was not on the bed.

She came down worried for him, but Harilal told him that he had already left.

She sighed and observed tears rolling down her cheeks. She hurried upstairs trying to hide her distressed face from the helpers in the household.

On reaching her room, she banged the door shut and sat on the bed. In a minute, she was crying uncontrollably.

This time, she didn't try to wipe her tears or stop herself as she knew no one was there to see her. And for once she wanted to let go of her pain and suffering, through tears. She held her face in her palms and kept crying.

 She had woven her life around a man whom she loved and supported unconditionally.

And he didn't trust her today.

 She wanted to talk to him but he didn't ask any explanation''he just assumed that she was cheating on him.

 Slowly, she got up and took out her 'petti' and kept it on the bed. She was not an escapist to run away from problems but everytime she had left home, there was only one reason. And that was when she had felt that she did not belong to Shantanu. She felt the same today.

For a moment, she thought of Dadi, Sunil and Madhavi.

"Kya mujhe un logon ke aane tak ruk jaana chahiye? Nahi, aur mushkil ho jayega.Mujhe jaana hi hoga." She thought.

While she was still putting her stuff in the petti, her hands were trembling. She opened the cupboard and saw Shantanu's side. Slowly, she picked up a shirt and held it close to her cheeks. She felt as if she had him close to her. Tears kept rolling down at the mere thought of staying away from him.

"Himmat rakho Khanak," she told herself, "Agar tum sahi ho aur tumhaara dil saaf hai toh kuch bura nahi hoga."

"Khanak ! yeh kya kar rahi ho?" the voice startled her. She turned back to see Sam who was entering the room and was clearly surprised seeing her petti, "Kya hua? Ro kyu rahi ho Khanak?"

"Sam," Khanak couldn't stop herself when Sam came near her and hugged her. She continued sobbing.

"Tum kahan jaa rahi ho Khanak? Aur itna ro kyu rahi ho?" Sam imagined what must have happened and was disappointed with Shaan. But she knew how impulsive he was.

"Ek minute Khanak, mujhe pata hai ki kya hua hai? Shaan ne tum par gussa kiya, us mms ki wajah se?"

"Sam, aapko pata hai?" Khanak was shocked at learning that Sam knew about it. She felt the pain thinking that Shaan had shared it with her, "Aapko kaise pata?"

"Mujhe pata hai Khanak, isiliye main tumse milne aayi huun. Aur mujhe yeh bhi pata hai ki yeh kiska kaam hai."

Khanak wiped her tears while looking at her in disbelief. Her eyes widened while searching her face for an answer.

"Kiska?"

"Mere saath neeche chalo," urged Sam.

Downstairs in the hall, Rahul, Sunny and Duck sat at the sofa, all looking down at the carpet. They were silent and did not talk a word till they saw Khanak coming down with Sam.

Khanak was completely stunned seeing all of them there. She came down to stand in front of them and everybody stood up.

Her dismayed face and bluish tinge around the eyes showed how much she had cried and how less she had slept the previous night. Duck and Sunny gave a look of disgust to Rahul who had guilt written all over his face.

Khanak gave a questioning stare to Sunny.

Sunny immediately tried to clarify,"Khanakji, ismein meri koi galati nahi hai. Mujhe toh pata bhi nahi tha ki yeh sab ho raha hai."

"Main batata hu," Rahul interrupted him and started speaking, "Yah sab meri bewakoofi ka nateeja hai. Main itna kho gaya tha Shaan ko barbaad karne ki chahat mein, ki pata hi nahi chala ki main kab itna gir gaya." His voice broke while he was speaking, and Khanak could tell his genuineness from his voice and his face.

"Rahulji aap?" was all she could say. She did not want to cry in front of Shaan's friends and Sunny, so she controlled her tears desperately but still her moist eyes were enough to melt anyone's heart, "Aap log toh Shantanu ke dost hain nah, maine socha bhi nahi tha ki jin doston ke saath ke liye main Shantanu ko mana rahi hu, unke mann mein itna paap hai."

Rahul did not answer, but hung his face in shame.

"Rahul, Khanak ghar chorhkar jaa rahi hai." Sam informed him in a worried tone.

Sunny and Duck looked first at her in concern and then at Rahul.

Duck said first, "Nahi Khanak bhabhi aap kaise jaa sakti hain? Aapki toh koi galati hi nahi hai."

Sunny and Sam looked at each other and then at Duck. Not knowing what to say, they turned to Rahul.

Rahul had a visible uneasiness on his face. He had not expected that he would be so worried for Khanak and for Shantanu too.

"Khanakji, yeh galati nahi hai, gunaah hai aur iske liye koi maafi nahi ho sakti lekin phir bhi Shaan ko sab kuch sach sach bata kar main isse sudharna chahta huun."

"Nahin Rahulji, aapko jo karna tha aapne kar liya, ab aap Shantanu se kuch nahi kahenge." Said Khanak strongly.

"Lekin Khanak, is tarah toh misunderstandings badti jayengi yaar," said a disturbed Sam.

"Haan bhabhi, Shaan ko batana hi hoga," added Duck.

"Duck Bha please, Shantanu se koi kuch nahi kahega," pleaded Khanak.

"Kyon Khanakji, jab aapki galati nahi hai toh aap iski sajaa kyon bhugatna chahti hain?" asked Sunny.

"Shaan ko agar nahi bataya toh woh hamesha aap hi ko galat samjhega. Usmein itna patience nahi hai ki woh sahi aur galat ka faisla karne ke liye dimaag ko thanda rakhe." Said Rahul.

These words about Shantanu pinched Khanak. People thought so low of him and she wanted to tell them that "No, he is not like that. He is a different man, very different from what you know of him''and he loves me'.. cares for me''"

But she did not have any foundation for these claims.

"Rahul thik kah raha hai Khanak," this time it was Akshay who had been standing at the entrance with Khushboo and was listening to the conversation. He came near them.

"Bha, yehi toh main dekhna chahti huun. Kya Shantanu mujhse sirf pyaar hi karte hain ya unhe mujh per bharosa bhi hai. Agar who mujh par vishwas nahi kar sakte to mere liye unka pyaar adhoora hai."

"Is sab ke liye bahut waqt hai Khanak," Akshay was visibly upset, "choti choti baatein ghar barbaad kar deti hain. Iss waqt Shaan ko asliyat batana jaroori hai."

Sam and Duck nodded in affirmation.

"Bha, jab main pahli baar ghar chorhkar gayi thi toh aada ne unhe bheja tha mujhe lene ke liye, mujhe pata hai yeh baat; jab doosri baar gayi toh Natasha ji ne unhe samjhaya ki hum ek doosre ke liye bane hain aur humein saath hona chahiye. Agar Natashaji unhe nahi bhejti toh shayad yeh nahi aate''." Her voice trailed for a moment but she regained it with confidence, "Kya har baar hamare saath ko kisi aur ke sahare ki jaroorat hai? Kya hamara pyaar itna kamjor hai ki bina kisi ke samjhaye hum ek ho hi nahi sakte? Agar Rahulji ke baare mein pata nahi chalega toh kya Shantanu mujh per shaq karte hi rahenge? Kitni baar, kitne log hamein sahara denge? Yeh rishta toh ek kadam bhi nahi chal payega, ek toofan se hi bikhar jayeg," she kept fighting her tears back.

"Lekin yeh sab meri wajah se hua hai," Rahul was in tears now. He had imagined it as an easy task to go and mend his deeds but Khanak had made it difficult for him to correct himself and repent. He felt hopeless now.

"Please Rahulji, aap log jaante hi nahi ki dosti kya hoti hai, isliye kuch mat boliye'..aur ab yeh aapki, Sunny ya mms ki baat nahi hai. Ab yeh baat hai Shantanu aur Khanak ke pyaar ki aur unke beech vishwaas ki'.."

She turned to Akshay and then to all and said, "Please bha, aur aap sab log, iss baar koi Shantanu se kuch nahi kahega, meri khatir. Aur agar aap logon ki nazaron mein Khanak ki zara si bhi izzat hai toh aap Shantanu ki madad nahi karenge. Khanak ko wahi izzat Shantanu se bhi chahiye." She was very determined and so no-one spoke.

Khushboo stepped ahead and hugged her.

Shaan had been sitting on the rocks at the band stand beach since many hours. His thoughts were wandering in several directions but not finding an anchor to stand still.

He kept thinking of Khanak and the mms clip kept flashing in front of his eyes. He made a fist of his right hand and kept hitting his forehead in a slow movement.

He remembered her genuine warm smile and smiled back to himself. For a moment he forgot everything'..

But the thoughts kept banging his head, "Khanak has always loved Suraj. He will never leave her heart and her feelings. She has told me once that nobody can take Suraj's place in her life. Did Sunny remind her of Suraj so much that she forgot me? Can she ever forget me''''.Can Khanak forget Shaan?," he felt miserable.

 "I had always promised myself that I would love her so much that she forgets Suraj. Kya mere pyaar mein koi kami rah gayi thi?" he kept questioning himself in his own self-doubt and insecurities.

"Do din hue hain us Sunny ko aaye hue aur Khanak Shantanu ko bhool gayi?... Aisa kya hai is Suraj mein jo mujh mein nahi hai? ''' Thik hai, yeh uska 'first love'hai par main bhi toh usse itna pyaar karta huun'..pata hai nah usse'''' Lekin ek minute, yeh Suraj thode hi hai, yeh toh Sunny hai'.yeh uska pahla pyaar nahi hai'.uska hamshakal hai''. Kitni bewakoof hai''idiot'..har insaan par bharosa karti hai." He made a fist of his hand and hit the ground. The thought startled him for a second.

"Yeh ladki har kisi par bharosa karti hai'.aur main'.apni biwi par hi bharosa nahi hai mujhe'... Khanak mere saath aisa nahi kar sakti hai''. Usne meri khushi ke liye Suraj ki tasweer tak ko kamre se nikaal diya tha, tab toh hum sirf dost the''. Kitna nahi pareshaan kiya maine usey'...hamesha'.har step par'...lekin usne hamesha mera saath diya''. Khanak ek cheenti ko bhi takleef nahi pahuncha sakti'.aur mujhe toh pareshaan dekh bhi nahi sakti woh'.kitni parwaah karti hai meri''."

"Saari galati meri hai'main usey time nahi deta huun, kabhi uske saath baithkar yeh nahi poocha ki usey kya chahiye'.saara din sirf doosron ke baare main sochti rahti hai'.jab se yeh concert ki taiyaari kar raha tha, maine uski taraf jyada dhyaan hi nahin diya'.main hi uss din usey chorkar gaya tha, kitni baarish ho rahi thi'..aur mujhse milne nikal padi''.. Pata nahin kitni dikkat hui hogi usey''. Agar Sunny ne ghar chorne ka socha toh mujhe kyun problem hai?... Agar mera phone switch off nahi hota toh usey itni problem toh nahi hoti''.

Agar yeh kisi ka plan nahi hota toh mms kahan se banta''...kisi ne plan karke hamare saath aisa kiya hai ''Ho sakta hai sach mein gaadi kharaab ho gayi ho'ho sakta hai ki usne apni problems ko Sunny ke saath share karna chaha ho kyonki usey usmein Suraj nazar aaya ho'.. aur ussi samay kisi ne mms bana liya aur edit karke is tarah se mujhe bheja''. Khanak ko yeh saari problems dene waala bhi toh main hi hu''...

Yes'..Main Khanak ko jaanta hun'..woh meri Khanak hai'..sirf meri''..usey kahta hu ki ab se saari problems mujhse hi share kare'..yeh Suraj nahi hai'.Sunny hai'iske saath share karne ki koi jaroorat nahi hai'''.."

Tears trickled down his cheeks as he tried to ward off thoughts of losing her. He wiped his eyes while getting up.

"Suraj ke saath hue haadse ki phir se maafi maang loonga aur is baar ek minute ke liye bhi akela nahi chorhunga'.. maine bahut bura kiya uske saath '.thik se baat bhi nahi ki usse''kitni dukhi hogi''.meri Khanak meri baat jaroor manegi''.hamara pyaar ek nazar mein hua pyaar nahi hai jo pal mein badal jaaye' hamein kismet ne milaaya hai aur main Khanak ko koi takleef nahi pahunchne dunga."

Akshay and Khushboo were having their evening tea when Shaan dashed in and rushed upstairs ignoring them. Not finding her in their room, he immediately ran down.

"Bhaiya'.Khanak?... aapne Khanak ko kahin dekha hai?"

"Shaan, Khanak toh chali gayi," replied Akshay.

"Kahan?" In a second he felt his world falling apart, he tried very hard to control his tears.

"Dhulwaadi."

"Kab?" his voice was a disappointed meek whisper.

"Subah hi'."

He turned immediately and again rushed upstairs to get his stuff'. tears rolling on his cheeks, his words trailing back,"Yeh ladki kya samajhti hai apne aap ko?'.jab dekho apni petti utha kar dhulwaadi ke liye nikal padti hai'.kya samajh rakha hai?'Shantanu ko aur koi kaam nahi siwaaye apni biwi ke aage peeche ghoomne ke?'...

Akshay and Khushboo looked at each other and smiled''!!